Loose Change

Pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters collect at the bottom of a purse, in the cup holder in the car, in a pants pocket, or in a jar on the dresser.  Loose change doesn’t mean much until we need it.  There’s the penny used to avoid breaking a twenty or the coin collection that pays for a vacation.  Loose change collects and eventually turns into something meaningful. 

COVID-19 has required all of us to make changes.  We may be working from home for the first time, learning how to Zoom for meetings, deciding between various school formats, trying out new exercise routines, missing celebrations of milestones, changing vaction plans, craving human contact, and finding new ways to entertain ourselves.  

Change can be hard, especially if it is forced on us.  I personally thrive on change and will create a new path just because I can.  Even for me, with no end in sight for this pandemic, I am ready for change.

If we could go back to the way things used to be, would we?  For me, the answer is, “Not entirely.”  But that is a different blog post.

Our children are missing their freshman year of college, senior year of high school, first day of kindergarten, school dances, sporting events, debate team, music, theater, all of the extra-curricular activities and milestones that seem so important at that time of life. 

Rather than mourn what is missing, why not take this opportunity thrust upon us to increase our tolerance and appreciation for change? 

What if we could teach our children that change is a gift?  It can be uncomfortable and loose, like the change rattling around in a jar.  It is also an opportunity to explore new ways of doing things, problem-solving, creating a new path to follow. 

Small changes can lead to bigger changes. Being able to adapt and change are skills that will last a lifetime and make our futures more interesting than we can imagine.

What if we begin by changing the meaning of COVID?

Solo Act

I’ve been preparing for this pandemic my whole life.  It’s mid-July, about four months in with no end in sight. I am in the age bracket that is encouraged to stay home because we are more vulnerable.  I don’t go much further than the grocery and library.  I’m able to get my hair trimmed monthly.  Occasionally my friend Lola and I will run an errand and then drive to “wherever” and back just to feel like we are going somewhere.  I swim most days.  I talk to Lola daily (our wellness check) and keep in touch with others.  

My Solo Act looks something like this:

Cars:  buying, maintaining, filling with gas, insuring, renewing tags, washing, vacuuming, and selling.  Dealing with auto dealers is easier than it was in previous decades when a salesman actually made a point of showing me how the mirror on the backside of the visor lit up so I could see better to put on my makeup (while driving.)  I hope he enjoyed seeing my backside as I walked to my old car and drove down the street to the next car dealer and bought a new one.  On May 1st, I turned in my leased car and bought a newer version of the same car.  In ten weeks, I have put a whopping 500 miles on it and just filled the tank for the second time.  

Homes:  buying and selling or leasing, maintaining, insuring, renovating.  I made money buying and selling houses.  It wasn’t the motivating factor, but it sure helped build a nest egg.

Moving:  packing, storing, unpacking, upsizing, downsizing, changing my home address on credit cards, banks, etc.  I have done this nineteen times and learned that most of the stuff we move around is just stuff.  Most can be replaced or lived without.  I’m probably not done moving yet but have nothing is in the works.

Food:  planning a menu, making a list, shopping, putting away, and cooking for one.  Cooking for one is the challenge.  I don’t have to please anyone else, but I either eat the same thing several days in a row or freeze some to throw out after freezer burn sets in.  A friend and I have enjoyed take out a few times, but we haven’t been to a sit-down restaurant in over four months.  I wear my mask when shopping but am amazed at how many people don’t believe it helps, don’t care, or think to care for the welfare of others somehow infringes on their rights. 

Vacations and Travel:  deciding where, when, what, planning, travelling solo, paying a premium to travel solo.  I would like to be more adventurous in this area.  But right now, no one wants to see Americans coming and will turn us away at the border.  (Interesting turn of events.)  Living in Florida, one of the top three states on COVID charts, no one should want to see any of us travelling domestically.  I’ll stay home, it’s safer for you.

Entertainment:  reading, knitting, swimming, walking, and yoga are all solo activities so I’m good there.  I’m not able to see movies on the big screen with friends because theaters are not open.  I can binge on all sorts of shows via my smart TV, and have.

Companionship:  except for that time I lived with a roommate in New York City, I have lived on my own, a solo act responsible for all aspects of life, never able to say, “Honey, will you please stop at the store and pick up…, or take care of…, or argh, the washer stopped in mid-cycle…”  I know there is the other side of cohabiting: “Put the seat down, put your socks in the hamper, I just need some space so go outside and fix something…” 

There are advantages to living alone.  I never have to check-in, ask for an opinion, compromise, or consider another person.  There are disadvantages to living alone.  There is no one to share the ups and downs of life, no one to talk to, ask for an opinion, no one to take care of you when you’re sick, no one to touch you the way a partner touches you.  This is not a pity party.  I would rather be alone than in a ‘bad relationship’, and I’ve had my share of those.  (No, this is not a tell-all.)

Pandemic Life:  all of the above have prepared me to isolate and “stay at home” during the pandemic.  That and being an introverted homebody comfortable with the silence of being a solo act.

I recognize that this life of mine would not have been possible without the support of parents, family, friends, and colleagues along the way.  Thank you one and all for putting up with my quirks.

Growing Pains

Personal growth can be painful.  It requires a new perspective.  Ten days into 2020 I am coming face-to-face with over four decades of behaviors and choices that have dominated my life on many levels.  It is time to reset expectations.  I am purposely not identifying a specific aspect of my life that is changing because growth will most likely have a ripple effect.  At least that is my wish.

I have identified the following steps to create change in my life.  They are in no particular order.  They may occur simultaneously or sporadically.  There is no scientific study or research behind them.  This is my process. 

Step One:  recognizing the pattern

Step Two:  admitting the pattern is unhealthy

Step Three:  understanding the rationale behind the pattern

Step Four:  visualizing more positive patterns

Step Five:  taking steps to leave the past in the past and not repeat it

Step Six:  healing the issue behind the old pattern at the root

Step Seven:  identifying a desired outcome of change

Step Eight:  allowing new thoughts and beliefs to take over

Step Nine:  cracking open my heart to receive

Step Ten:  proceeding to live a life of joy

The Possibilities are Endless

2019 was unusual for me.  Normally an intuitive decision maker, I decided to leave the canvas blank and take my time figuring out next steps.  I was torn between my life in Michigan friends, family, work, community connections and the Florida sunshine and friends.  So why not have both?  I bought a condo in Saginaw to augment my condo in Florida. My canvas now looks like this:

What’s in store for 2020? 

I am enjoying the Florida sun.  Mornings may be a bit chilly in my neck of the woods (high 30’s – to low 50’s), but the sun comes out every day and the temperatures range from the high 60’s to the low 80’s. 

I picked up new glasses with a slightly new prescription on January 2^nd.  And that inspired a metaphor for this year: 

A fresh look at the possibilities. 

I have a loose plan for the year:  some time in Florida and some time in Michigan.  When I will transition from one to the other is up in the air.  Meanwhile, I am enjoying catching up and spending time with my Florida friends. 

Bring it on 2020!

Blank Canvas

It took a while to come up with my “word of the year.”  In fact, one word would not do.  I have chosen “BLANK CANVAS” as my phrase for 2019.  I have both short-term and longer-term plans for the future.  Then recently I was faced with a decision that could change those plans, I began to wonder what else might be possible.

A blank canvas is filled with possibility.  Possibility can be both exhilarating terrifying.  The thing about blank canvases is you can always get another. There is no shortage of canvases.  And no matter what choice you make, you can always choose again with a new blank canvas. We have all the colors, brushes, and materials to create our own beautiful masterpiece.

Let the painting begin…

Everything You Do…

I met a man at a dinner party a couple of weeks ago…no, this is not going where your mind just went.  It’s a story about how everything you do, good or bad, has a ripple effect.  You may never know the consequences of your actions.  Please read on, it’s a story about kindness.

In conversation with the man I met,  Brian, I was telling a story about my dad.  There was a time when my father had to account for every nickel of his paycheck, literally every nickel.

Every day my dad drove a fellow teacher to work and home again.  She was not able to drive so she paid dad five dollars a week for his kindness.  Considering it was the 1960’s, five dollars covered gas for the car and then some.  He would have done it just because it was the right thing to do.  

My dad taught in what would be considered an “inner city” school.  Many of the kids in dad’s fifth-grade class arrived at school without having breakfast.  They may have gone to bed without dinner.  When the milk cart came to his classroom, dad made sure every child had a five-cent carton of milk to start the day.

“I know your dad,” Brian said as I finished the story.

Brian was a student teacher in dad’s classroom fifty-something years ago and observed this act of kindness play out every day.  It turns out Brian grew up in a dysfunctional family.  Witnessing an adult display this small act of kindness, buying a carton of milk for a child, gave Brian an example of a compassionate adult and role model for life.

Brian added that for fifty-something years he has been telling the story of this kind teacher and how it influenced his own life in a positive way.  But Brian did not remember the man’s name.  To be sure Brian was talking about my dad, I shared a story about a learning tool my dad built for his class to learn the state capitals.  Yes, it was the same man.

Was it a coincidence that Brian and I met that night?  I don’t think so.  Brian has the name of the man who made a positive impact on him so long ago.  For me, it confirms what I already know about my father, he was a kind man.  Every child who received a carton of milk felt the impact of that nickel and so did everyone who observed the act of kindness.

Everything you do…

Images

I have been tinkering with a post on how my actual age and my virtual age don’t match.  By that, I mean the image I have of myself, how I feel, and my adventurous spirit do not match the image I see in the mirror or in photographs.  And then….

My Medicare card arrived.  Pause for a breath or two….Assess a life in progress…. Reflect on a government-mandated milestone.  That new Medicare card is just a piece of paper, my new health insurance plan.  I have been paying into the plan for over forty years in hopes that I would live long enough to carry the card.  That time has arrived.  Brush it off and move forward.

How did I arrive at this point?  I found a few photos to demonstrate the process.  Scroll over each image for the captions.

Early 20’s and clueless.

Late 30’s, finding my voice.

 

50-something, how I see myself.

65, reality.

As for the future, let the adventures continue…

The Rocker

 

If it could talk, the rocker would share stories about how it soothed babies to sleep as they nestled in their mother’s arms.  It would describe grandfathers nodding off in the middle of a conversation.  It wouldn’t talk about the seventeen trips in moving vans, the six different states it lived in, the year it spent in storage or the five times it was nearly left behind or sold.  The rocker took comfort in knowing that in over eighty years it had only two owners.  Now it was looking for a third, an opportunity to create another generation of memories.

Tucked in the corner of a consignment shop, the curves of the wooden rocker beckoned to Samantha; a soft glow created an aura around it.  Samantha was looking for a sturdy chair that would last her a lifetime.  Made of maple and crafted by a master carpenter, the rocker held its form with a straight back and strong joints.

Samantha slid into the curved seat and closed her eyes.  The gentle rocking motion transported her back in time flooding her consciousness with the memories of those who had filled this seat before her.  The comfort of the rocker surrounded her like a warm blanket.

As she continued to rock back and forth, Samantha was given a peek at the future, rocking her babies to sleep and reading to her grandchildren with her soulmate at her side.

Samantha opened her eyes to see a face from her future standing before her.  Kevin, the owner of the shop, asked, “Are you interested in buying the rocker?  Others have tried it out but it didn’t light up till you walked in. We’ve been waiting for you.”

Groceries

I used to think grocery shopping was a chore, I loathed it.  When I lived in Botswana it really was a chore.  Now I find it an enjoyable luxury, I love it.

BA – Before Africa

Shopping was a series of tasks that ended in nothing to eat on hand.  Does this sound familiar?

Make a list, cut coupons, sort through previously cut coupons checking expiration dates, load digital coupons to my “card.”

Remember to bring bags into the store, find a small cart vs the large, family-size cart, wander the store to find items, cross them off the list, and load into the cart.

Move selected items from the cart to the check-out conveyor, from the conveyor to bags, bags move to the cart, find the car, and move the bags to the trunk.

Once home, carry bags into the house, unload the bags, and put everything away.

Open the refrigerator and cupboards and there is nothing to eat.

A – Africa

Carry two light-weight, recyclable bags in the backpack at all times.

Mentally assess what will be needed or wanted in near future and prioritize urgency.  Make a list.

Stop at THE store on the walk home from work, wander the store to find items from limited choices, cross them off the list, and load into the cart.

Move selected items from the cart to the check-out conveyor, from the conveyor to bags, balancing the weight of the two bags that will be carried, one on each shoulder, adding them to the laptop, cross-body bag, and backpack of files, water, and current project notes already strapped on.

Walk fifteen minutes in 90-degree plus weather; the end of the trip in deep sand.

Once home, unload the bags, and put everything away.

Open the refrigerator and cupboards and there is nothing to eat.

Many of my friends in Africa had it much harder.  It was a day-long bus ride to get to the town where there was an ATM to get cash before shopping.  They had to find a friend to stay with overnight.  They could purchase only what they could carry on the return trip home.  If lucky, there was a small tuck shop (corner store) for produce and cold items.

AA – After Africa

Grocery shopping is the same process as Before Africa with a new perspective.  I enjoy shopping now.  But I wondered what it must be like to live in my current hometown, use public transportation, and grocery shop.

Then I met a woman in the check-out line who does just that.  She travels 6 miles on a bus that runs every hour.  She has her own cart, fills it with what she wants, and does the whole check-out routine.  Then it is off to the bus stop for the ride home, hoping her timing is such that she does not have to wait very long.  We have all kinds of weather in this state:  rain, hail, sleet, snow, sun, heat, cold, and wind.  Wating might be the worst part of the excursion.

This woman was not complaining.  She seems to take the whole thing in stride.  After working all week, grocery shopping is part of her Saturday routine.

Grocery shopping:  do you love it or loathe it?  I now find joy in every step of the process.  And still, when I open the refrigerator and cupboards, there is nothing to eat.  Some things never change.

Dear Younger Self,

A life-long journey of self-discovery and self-awareness awaits.  Trust your instincts.  Follow your heart.  The joy is in the journey.

The first sign of inner strength to carve your own path is skipping Mass in eighth grade.  It will feel risky, rebellious, and exhilarating.  After decades of trying to embrace your religious upbringing, forty will be a breakthrough year.  Confident in your spirituality, you will understand how you live your life is more important than any organization you belong to or label people try to put on you.

In your twenties, health issues teach you to take care of yourself and not compromise your personal values for an employer.  This conflict will show up several times.  You will change jobs frequently and move almost as often.

You will make many life choices that give your mother and father heartburn.  Through it all, your parents will provide a safety net for as long as they are in this world.  Their love and support will give you the self-confidence to face any challenge placed in your path.

The easiest and best decision you will make, at age fifty-one, will be to end twenty-four years of living in the Florida sun to return to your hometown in Michigan and care for your parents.   At age fifty-nine, you make the most difficult decision of your life, leaving the Peace Corps early.  Commitment to self will win over commitment to the Corps.

Follow your parents’ examples:  be generous with yourself and possessions, give to the community you live in, and leave the world a better place for having been in it.

As for the future, embrace the wanderlust that drives you.  Live the life you are meant to live.  The joy is in the journey.

Safe Travels!